This may be what I’ve been missing all this time…
I’ve blogged incessantly about the value of time, taking breaks, and letting go. I believe I blog so much about these topics in order to therapeutically remind myself again and again of what’s truly important. Like, not writing it down will lead to my forgetfulness (which is quite the habit), and my stubbornness to really change (which is yet another lovely habit).
I’ve always scrutinized my own backbone. All too often I find myself wavering between being absolutely steadfast about my precious values and whimpering like a weak puppy dog at the first sign of complication. Why do I give up so quickly on my own ability to walk a path that is abundant with joy and delight? Why do I default to a dark mood when things get the slightest bit difficult, uncertain, uncontrollable?
Usually my positive thoughts are quite clear, urging me on like a cheering squad. And my heart is at last becoming a more familiar companion, pulling me in a direction of contentment with gentle certainty. But the second those clouds of doubt and overwhelming despair crowd in, I lose my way. And somehow, I have to claw my way back to a safe place, which usually ends up looking like a petty argument with a loved one or self-induced suffering.
Recently a very close friend and member of my tribe shed a beautiful tidbit of light onto my path. He shared warmly with me the following words:
“Listen not only to your mind and not only to your heart, but to your faith as well.”
When I searched deep inside, I finally understood where all my hang-ups were coming from. I have very little faith in my ability to create lasting happiness in my life.
So I self-sabotage like a mo-fo.
I think, feel and truly believe that it’s time to do away with the self-sabo. I’d like to carry on with a little more light on my path, beaming forth from a source of faith. Faith in myself. Faith in where I’m at. Faith in the gifts and opportunities that surround me.
Faith. Belief. Trust. Could this quite possibly be the missing piece to true happiness?