When do you know you’ve really said goodbye?
I received a letter in the (e)mail today, which shed a lot of light on a relationship that had made a turn down the street of dark and mysterious a while back. After a bitter break, the cold shoulder settled in, and I found myself bundling up all alone, wondering where the sunny smiles and warm moments had gone.
But this letter was no step in the direction of reconciliation. It was a closing. My long departed relation had finally come to a conclusion and decided, “Today is the day I will say goodbye.”
On my end of the relay, it was a definite bite into bittersweet. I cried. I was left scrambling to find my own sense of closure. I found myself not wanting to give in to letting go.
Old, dusty memories found their way into my thoughts like desperate moths bouncing off a glass lamp. Suddenly, in my mind’s eye, I would see places we had spent time together. Remember funny little conversations. Experiences that had turned sour were suddenly being rewritten to turn sweet. And though my dear departed waved goodbye, I was left feeling closer than ever to that person’s memory, my heart refusing to wave back.
Throughout the day this wrangling has slowly subsided, but remnants linger still. Till one day soon I, too, will create the right space and the right time to finally wave back with my hand (and my heart) fully open.