I finally understand why singers have a hard time singing in front of their friends…
I had the honor of writing a dear friend‘s new professional bio today. She’s an amazing performer with a good heart and a beautiful soul. We did several interviews where she described important moments in her life. Some I knew. Some I had actually witnessed. Many were new to me. We both had a wonderful time catching up, knowing we were coming together to help each other along our chosen career paths.
After completing the interviews and parting ways, I knew I had captured all the information I needed to begin writing. But as I sat there, staring at the screen of my desktop computer, a shiver of fear tingled up and down my spine. To my dismay, ugly, irrational, deformed thoughts began to creep their way through the dark corners of my mind.
“What if I screw up?”
“What if she hates what I write?”
“What if I suddenly lose all ability to write or read?”
“What if my fingers lock in place, and I can no longer move my fingers to type?”
“What if I get amnesia and can’t even remember my own name, let alone hers?”
And so I sat. And waited. And waited some more. Until I finally gathered the courage to hold my breath and take the leap… to write for a friend.
Numerous times during my stint as a singer, I overheard people complaining about the trauma and tribulation of singing in front of friends, family, neighbors, or just some bloke they ran into the other day. I never understood their anxiety ridden convo…
It’s scary. It’s like walking into that nightmare where you’re the only one in the room who didn’t get the memo that you were actually supposed to wear clothes to the party. Vulnerable and naked, you expose your hidden dreams, your fragile hope that you don’t suck, your most vivid creation for people with direct access to your Achilles tendon to look at, experience, and scrutinize. Yikes.
Nevertheless, today I delivered. And I’m still waiting for her feedback. Hoping it comes back with a thumbs up, or at least a kind gesture as to how to make it better. I’ll continue to wait, grinding my teeth. Somehow I’m stubbornly trying to convince myself that this is all in my head. But the world in my head is much grander and more impossible to handle at times than the one I’m physically living in.
Alas, at the end of the day, I know I’ll get through this useless drama with my friendship in tact and my heart in my mouth. Carrying such deep rooted joy and humble honor that I get to do what I love for the very people that I love.